It must first be acknowledged that Tonton is not a mother, new or otherwise, although he is an uncle (as his name in charming French suggests). And while he claims no first-hand experience, he has had to listen to countless tales of the joys and pains of motherhood. And as they say, he can ‘relate’ (oh really, Tonton had no idea that the term was passé. Tonton begs your pardon, but he cannot quite bring himself to say that he ‘feels you’, no matter how au courant that may make him). And so today Tonton has cleared his calendar and shall devote a minute or two to contemplate that bundle in your basket.

Do
Lavish as much time and care and hugs and kisses on the little one as you please. Soon you’ll be far too busy.
Don’t
Care a jot about the opinions of all those hardened experienced mothers around you who will try to lecture you about spoiling the baby.
Do
Allow family and friends to come round for short visits, say 15 minutes or so. The announcement that baby and mother are tired should be a signal that the visit is now over.
Don’t
Drive yourself mad about keeping a spotless house.
Do
Arrange the baby in such a way that guests can see its smiling face.
Don’t
Let these germ-riddled adults get too close. The words, ‘I hope what baby’s got isn’t catching’ should guarantee at least 5 feet of distance.
Do
Remember to dress simply and elegantly when leaving the house (Tonton is not referring to those Juicy Couture things meant for the gym).
Don’t
Be tempted to get that ‘easy to manage’ haircut. It will require more upkeep than you think. A chic bun or ponytail will cut down considerably the amount of time you spend panicking and stressing.
Do
Remember to thank all those kind souls who offer to babysit, although it is perfectly proper to suggest that they see to baby’s laundry or do a bit of shopping instead.
Don’t
Attempt to do it all yourself. Husbands (or Babydaddies) should share the aforementioned joys and pains. Tonton also recommends roping in nieces and nephews, grandparents, and even cousins thrice removed to take part in the drama.

There now, Tonton hopes he has been helpful. Now go out and multiply.