...Invest in at least one pair of faggotty sandals this season. Naturally Tonton's talking to you men out there as the women already know the allure of such things. One's sexual orientation is of no consequence whatsoever, in fact, it could be argued that a few poncey loops of leather wrapped round the exposed foot of Mr Hetero Burly is just the very thing to get Miss Right's socks to go up and down. You see, she'll be drawn to your fearlessness, the self-assurance which allows you to explore and support the only bit of creativity to be found in men's footwear. Tonton just wants you to give it a go. There's no shortage of faggotty sandals on the market these days- all one need do is pop into the local Yves St. Laurent corner shop, or a Prada kiosk or D Squared riverside stall, drop a few hundred euro on something no bigger than that and just watch as men and women salivate as you saunter by.
,,,Spend a week watching every episode of that amazing television series '24'. You know, the one with that actor who's the son of that other actor. With the hair. Canadian, perhaps? Tonton hasn't left the sofa in days- there are discs and discs, and it just keeps getting better.
...Leave the car at home and give public transport a go. Sit (or stand) face to face with your fellow man and remind yourself that we are all one. Guaranteed to cause a few smiles and some very touching moments. If these are unwarranted, however, a single slap on the offending hand should suffice, but by and large, you'll find it a pleasurable experience to be cheek by jowl, as it were, with your neighbour. And Tonton would be very proud if you linked arms and all sang 'Man in the Mirror'.
February 2008
